The look in her eyes

I cannot believe it’s been 6 months since the last post. Seems like just yesterday I was in New Jersey for work. It’s end of September now, in Namma Bengaluru and today, I felt like I had six months of writing to catch up on. So let me just get on with it. 

Moksha has been a regular part of my life over the last few months because Neelima is travelling to Bangalore often. It has been great that I can see Moksha so often and spend more than 2 days together which is absolutely the most I can ask for but like always nothing comes easy in the everyday life of Sarat. Let’s start with yesterday. It was an absolute bliss - like I couldn’t ask for anything more even if I wanted. Moksha was with me without her mom for the first time in excess of 6 hours, kissed me multiple times, called out “Daddy” in the middle of the mall, and it was the first time in a long time I felt like a father and that my baby is growing up. 

Today, however, it was a whole another story. Moksha just flat out didn’t want to do anything with me. She refused to give me a kiss goodbye after what was an exhausting day and I just couldn’t take it. She had this look in her eyes that I cannot forget. It’s like she knows, my time with her is limited and perhaps even worse that I don’t love her mother. I didn’t know what to say to her, I didn’t know if saying anything would even help. I knew this day would come way back in 2014 when I separated from her and her mother but god I didn’t know that the look in her eyes would make me question my very existence. 

Until next time my Moksha love, forgive daddy. I shall forever try to make up my lost time with you and will always be there for you.